"Some Simple tips for CD devs to make CP2077 feel more alive in upcoming DLCs (Please read)
First off, this game was an aesthetic treat and compared to GTAV, it is indeed much more "dense" with the core areas so much more beautiful in that regard... But no game is perfect, nor is it realistic in this decade to expect a full "city simulator" for any dev or in any game, so that's not what I'm expecting out of Night City not even under the most ideal of circumstances... That said, there are plenty of room for improvement, bug fixes sure, but also beyond that I'd like to see more in the upcoming DLC's that make NightCity more alive, not even necessarily newer and larger maps, but just practical added-elements and additional functional components that would go a long way towards making the city appear more 'alive', and immersive and dynamic and all that was illuded to but never fully manifested...
So in terms of most bang for buck and the low-hanging fruit (80/20 principle):

TRANSPORTATION

1) Bring back (or rather develope for the first time) the promised subway system... this shouldn't be that hard to do... it would add an element of connectivity of the different parts of the city... Leave fast travel as an option, for those that want to ride the train shouldn't be forced to use loading screens
2) Air taxi(s) -- in the age of Telsa self driving cars, hyperloops, drone taxis we should have plenty of automated air taxi options in the world of CP2077, basically like the taxi hailing component in GTAIV (Liberty City) except the player can hail an air taxi that lands close to where he is standing, he gets in, and then chooses any destination and it automatically flys him to the location, while allowing him to look out the windows and enjoy the night city from above / higher perspective... this is simplier than simply giving the player ability to fly hovercars/etc since an air taxi is just from point to point and its trivial to code a system that flys the player from any point in the city to any other point without crashing into any buildings... we've seen NightCity from the ground, now lets see it from the sky!
3) Rented transporation -- user pays to be able to rent jet packs, hoverboards, scooters at different locations in the city so he can use a public transportation but on a personal level... for the jet packs cap a max height so that its still basically hovering at or around slightly above ground level, giving the user the discretion of travel but not allowing him to fly or scale above buildings etc... this requires money to rent and if the equipment is damaged, lost, stolen or not returned properly the users bank account will be deducted for the amount ( see #ECONOMY)

INTERIORS

1) Skyscrapers with observation deck -- in every major city there is a theme like this, take Seattle for example you can visit the tallest building in Seattle downtown and go up on the obs deck and see the city view from high above, I would say incorporate some options like this where user can enter some of the taller buildings in NightCity, ride up the elevator to the higher decks and see the city from that view... maybe even add a floor with fine dinning where user can take a friend/date/group to the restuarant and eat while enjoying watching the scenery of the nightcity below etc...
2) All major buildings enter-able (is that a word? lol) with at least a ground lobby.... right now most of the buildings are just fake exteriors, nice to look at from the outside but completely fake and empty with no insides... Due to system restrains its not practical to simulate every room of every floor of every building in nightcity with furnished interiors and real windows and all that... but at least make the first floor /lobby area of every large and major building enter-able so that the character can walk in and out of them... for certain buildings you may want to make a working/functional lobby elevator that leads to an underground garage and/or allows the user to ride the elevator to above ground higher floors of the building... or have the elevator only allow certain floors to be accessed and furnish these floors with realistic settings/environment and this can tie in nicely with the job/work/career paths discussed in #ECONOMY section with gives you the office space to put a number of companies in which the user can find and switch jobs and work in corporate paths etc... for example allow the user to customize and decorate his own "office/desk", and if he has a window office, then that would provide another unique view/scenery of nightcity from above ground perspective, one that can only be gotten from working at that particular company/job, and gives him an incentive to work late to see the city from nighttime while burning the midnight oil
3) Multiple apartments, the user should be able to pick and choose from a vast selection and array of living arrangements and this necessities a lot of hotel/condo/apartment options which means these buildings need to have interiors and furnished and environments fully built out...

ECONOMY

1) Ability to find and work a job, with multiple career paths and with ability to move up in the corporate world... this provides the user with a stead stream of income for which he can use to buy fancier cars, to move into newer and better apartments /condos etc.. and to buy fancier items like designer cloths and the suches... not to mention to spend on fine dinning in high end restuarants which can tie in nicely with going on datings, impressing women with luxury cars and expensive meals and "date nights out" at elaborate events.... basically there has to be a purpose and meaning to making more money, and the process of making more money has to be derived from a job or work or career of some sort as the main component...
Have a real economy with unemployment, inflation, commodity prices, and all of that impact and influence and affect the user in his everyday life... for example if a major terror event or pandemic causes the Nightcity to suffer an economic depression for a few months then its possible the company that the user is working at has to lay off people and he gets canned and has to downsize to a smaller apartment, loses his girlfriend/wife, and then has to find another lower paying job and stuck in the downward cycle for a few years until he is able to win the lottery (#GAMBLING/SPECUTLATION/BETTING) or his luck somehow changes...
Everything should cost money, it costs money to rent an apartement and it should also cost money to eat and drink... basically he user has to spend money to eat otherwise he will starve to death... and the user has to keep paying rent every month for whatever apartment he resides otherwise he gets evicted and could even become homeless and have to live in one of those nasty tents in tenty city or under a highway bridge etc etc
Grocery stores, restuarants, movie theaters, hotels, and shopping malls... There should be at least a few convinennce stores, shopping malls, restuarants and other retail places spread throughout nightcity, this is a component and element of the economy as well as a means for the user to spend all the hard earned money he worked towards... for example if you give a homeless a few bucks he should be able to use it to spend at a store on the corner to get something to eat and then that makes him happy because he is no longer so hungry... there should be a tie in for economy, money, and the ability to exchange that for goods and services (barber, tatto artists cough cough) and associate these goods and services to emotional feelings of happiness and satisfication for both the user /player and the NPCs...

SEASONS

There should be a distinction between autumn/fall, spring, summer, winter etc... This gives a big cycle sense of passage of time that cannot be simulated with the current day/night cycles along... in the winter the sun should rise and set at different times/angles than the summer...
In addition, I'd like to see an accurate night sky map/ stars. NightCity takes place in SoCal, its trivial to map the nightsky for the year 2077 in the SoCal area... even in the latest Flight Simulator 2020 the stars are now accurate at night...
Ability to choose LIVE weather based on current user location (see Flight Simulator) so say its raining in Dallas Texas where a user is playing, then in NightCity it will match that and we raining in the game as well... also ability to customize weather on-the-fly in real-time (see Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020) and have that instantly change in the game without reloading...
Along with seasons I'd like to be able to see holiday celebrations for example Christmas time espeically... I want to hear holiday music and see buildings decorated with Christmas lights and the jolly spirits of it all... Think the ambiance and environment of say Polar Express, bring that alive to Night City for Xmas...

MINI GAMES and other Microcosm

There is a "Go" board in Chinatown... but its fake... and the players aren't even attempting to play Go... See what Google Deepmind did with AlphaGo, Facebook made an OpenGo that they open sourced... there is also LeelaZero and KataGo free AI engines that have already been trained using deeplearning/machineAI to be far better than the Go masters... the same applies to Chess by the way... but I didn't see a Chess board in Night City yet... in any case all these board games the computer AI can now master... make these games playable in NightCity, so the user can watch two NPC's play a round of Go/Chess/etc (Ai vs Ai) or can join and sit down and take a seat and play against an NPC a real game of Go/Chess, (or in the future if CP gets a multiplayer than humans can play against one another etc) basically a microcosms and games-within-a-game....
Spotify/Netflix/youTube integrations... I'd like to see the user have a portable/personal mp3 player or app on his virtual smartphone that allows him to link to his personal -reallife- spotify account to listen to music while in the game... also on the TV screens at home to be able to watch netflix movies while in this virtual apartment chilling with his date/friends... and things like YouTube integration would be nice... maybe even pornhub integration....
Other simple games like darts, bowling and even toys like RC cars or DJI drones... give the use the ability to fly drones (check out DJI Simulator) or operate rc model cars etc... basically toys that he can buy at electronic stores or corner outlets that he can then use these toys in real life for any variety of enjoyments... this also ties into #ECONOMY and why its important to have a good job /career that pays good money!

GAMBLING/SPECUTLATION/INVESTMENTS/BETTING

Have some form of virtual casinos in the game, NightCity reminds me of Vegas, yet not one slot machine and not one means to gamble or bet? How about the ability to play the stockmarket, bitcoins, and make bets and well as go gambling, cards, poker, etc this not only provides a form of entertainment but also gives the user a way to quickly win / lose a lot of money and for the risk takers they may wish to invest their money in high risk high reward speculative stocks in the stock market instead of immediately spending it on a new apartment, new car, new tech gadget etc etc... this would also tie back to #ECONOMY since the more the user earns the more income he has to spend on gambling/stocks and the better the economy does the higher his stocks return on investment...

ROMANCE/RELATIONSHIPS

Should be able to court any pretty woman on the streets, to walk up to her and say hi and have a path/chance to a dialogue that leads to setting up a first date... and following that if it goes well can progress to more dates and evetnually her moving in with the user and eventually even having a kid, getting married, and the works... each female NPC should have a male preference and a threshold of compatiblity... so that for example if on the first date the guy is cheap and takes her to low end resturant, doesn't have a nice car to pick her up with, and otherwise seems like a low life then she wouldn't process/continue with him... whereas if he is already established with a multimillion apartment, supercar, takes her to most expensive restuarant in NightCity, then I could see her going back to his place on the first date and maybe even getting pregnant right then and there that night etc..."

Lat-est S-ex Tum-blr Nw_

Some Simple tips for CD devs to make CP2077 feel more alive in upcoming DLCs (Please read)

First off, this game was an aesthetic treat and compared to GTAV, it is indeed much more "dense" with the core areas so much more beautiful in that regard... But no game is perfect, nor is it realistic in this decade to expect a full "city simulator" for any dev or in any game, so that's not what I'm expecting out of Night City not even under the most ideal of circumstances... That said, there are plenty of room for improvement, bug fixes sure, but also beyond that I'd like to see more in the upcoming DLC's that make NightCity more alive, not even necessarily newer and larger maps, but just practical added-elements and additional functional components that would go a long way towards making the city appear more 'alive', and immersive and dynamic and all that was illuded to but never fully manifested...

So in terms of most bang for buck and the low-hanging fruit (80/20 principle):

In real life there is a sense of interconnecitivity and permanance... NightCity doesn't have this and is just a disconnected Hodgepodge of static elements that have no effect on one another... for example I should be able to balance the transportation cost of getting to work versus the career path that I want and the amount of money I'm making and taking into account my net worth... it wouldn't make sense for me to accept an entry level position that requires hours of commute every morning when I'm living on the other end of town... and on the otherhand if I'm processed to a VP making bigly bucks I can afford to take the automated air taxi every morning to work in central business district and still live outside by the beautiful beachfront property etc... likewise a downturn in the economy will affect my company and I could get laid off or no bonus for the year, or if I'm working a gig job that is seasonal then come spring I wouldn't need to find a second side gig to make up for the loss of income... and all of that ties into what kind of loft I can afford, what kind of car I can buy/lease/rent and the food I can eat (tv dinner vs fine dining) and the cloths that I can put in my back which affects the sort of women on the street that I can radnomdly hit on and get intro interested into d going on a date with me etc etc etc... its all interconnected and has a continuation that affecst so much more than just mindless NPCs spawning and despawning right in front on my eyes...

#TRANSPORTATION
1) Bring back (or rather develope for the first time) the promised subway system... this shouldn't be that hard to do... it would add an element of connectivity of the different parts of the city... Leave fast travel as an option, for those that want to ride the train shouldn't be forced to use loading screens
2) Air taxi(s) -- in the age of Telsa self driving cars, hyperloops, drone taxis we should have plenty of automated air taxi options in the world of CP2077, basically like the taxi hailing component in GTAIV (Liberty City) except the player can hail an air taxi that lands close to where he is standing, he gets in, and then chooses any destination and it automatically flys him to the location, while allowing him to look out the windows and enjoy the night city from above / higher perspective... this is simplier than simply giving the player ability to fly hovercars/etc since an air taxi is just from point to point and its trivial to code a system that flys the player from any point in the city to any other point without crashing into any buildings... we've seen NightCity from the ground, now lets see it from the sky!
3) Rented transporation -- user pays to be able to rent jet packs, hoverboards, scooters at different locations in the city so he can use a public transportation but on a personal level... for the jet packs cap a max height so that its still basically hovering at or around slightly above ground level, giving the user the discretion of travel but not allowing him to fly or scale above buildings etc... this requires money to rent and if the equipment is damaged, lost, stolen or not returned properly the users bank account will be deducted for the amount ( see #ECONOMY)

#JOBS/CAREERS/WORK/EDUCATION/GIGs
Ability to work a day job to earn steady money and climb a career ladder by taking courses or going to school at night... ability to go on the nightcity job boards or online to hunt and interview for other jobs... to change industries and do other jobs... to participate in the Gig economy... like drive around in some version of ubereats delivering food or packages to people... or a corporate desk job thats basically on the computer all day... for corporate day jobs the game should give the user the ability to fastforward just like he can go to bed and fast forward for eight hours etc....

#INTERIORS
1) Skyscrapers with observation deck -- in every major city there is a theme like this, take Seattle for example you can visit the tallest building in Seattle downtown and go up on the obs deck and see the city view from high above, I would say incorporate some options like this where user can enter some of the taller buildings in NightCity, ride up the elevator to the higher decks and see the city from that view... maybe even add a floor with fine dinning where user can take a friend/date/group to the restuarant and eat while enjoying watching the scenery of the nightcity below etc...
2) All major buildings enter-able (is that a word? lol) with at least a ground lobby.... right now most of the buildings are just fake exteriors, nice to look at from the outside but completely fake and empty with no insides... Due to system restrains its not practical to simulate every room of every floor of every building in nightcity with furnished interiors and real windows and all that... but at least make the first floor /lobby area of every large and major building enter-able so that the character can walk in and out of them... for certain buildings you may want to make a working/functional lobby elevator that leads to an underground garage and/or allows the user to ride the elevator to above ground higher floors of the building... or have the elevator only allow certain floors to be accessed and furnish these floors with realistic settings/environment and this can tie in nicely with the job/work/career paths discussed in #ECONOMY section with gives you the office space to put a number of companies in which the user can find and switch jobs and work in corporate paths etc... for example allow the user to customize and decorate his own "office/desk", and if he has a window office, then that would provide another unique view/scenery of nightcity from above ground perspective, one that can only be gotten from working at that particular company/job, and gives him an incentive to work late to see the city from nighttime while burning the midnight oil:)
3) Multiple apartments, the user should be able to pick and choose from a vast selection and array of living arrangements and this necessities a lot of hotel/condo/apartment options which means these buildings need to have interiors and furnished and environments fully built out...

#ECONOMY
1) Ability to find and work a job, with multiple career paths and with ability to move up in the corporate world... this provides the user with a steady stream of income for which he can use to buy fancier cars, to move into newer and better apartments /condos etc.. and to buy fancier items like designer cloths and the suches... not to mention to spend on fine dinning in high end restuarants which can tie in nicely with going on datings, impressing women with luxury cars and expensive meals and "date nights out" at elaborate events.... basically there has to be a purpose and meaning to making more money, and the process of making more money has to be derived from a job or work or career of some sort as the main component...
2) Have a real economy with unemployment, inflation, commodity prices, and all of that impact and influence and affect the user in his everyday life... for example if a major terror event or pandemic causes the Nightcity to suffer an economic depression for a few months then its possible the company that the user is working at has to lay off people and he gets canned and has to downsize to a smaller apartment, loses his girlfriend/wife, and then has to find another lower paying job and stuck in the downward cycle for a few years until he is able to win the lottery (#GAMBLING/SPECUTLATION/BETTING) or his luck somehow changes...
3) Everything should cost money, it costs money to rent an apartement and it should also cost money to eat and drink... basically he user has to spend money to eat otherwise he will starve to death... and the user has to keep paying rent every month for whatever apartment he resides otherwise he gets evicted and could even become homeless and have to live in one of those nasty tents in tenty city or under a highway bridge etc etc
4) Grocery stores, restuarants, movie theaters, hotels, and shopping malls... There should be at least a few convinennce stores, shopping malls, restuarants and other retail places spread throughout nightcity, this is a component and element of the economy as well as a means for the user to spend all the hard earned money he worked towards... for example if you give a homeless a few bucks he should be able to use it to spend at a store on the corner to get something to eat and then that makes him happy because he is no longer so hungry... there should be a tie in for economy, money, and the ability to exchange that for goods and services (barber, tatto artists cough cough) and associate these goods and services to emotional feelings of happiness and satisfication for both the user /player and the NPCs...

#SEASONS

There should be a distinction between autumn/fall, spring, summer, winter etc... This gives a big cycle sense of passage of time that cannot be simulated with the current day/night cycles along... in the winter the sun should rise and set at different times/angles than the summer...

In addition, I'd like to see an accurate night sky map/ stars. NightCity takes place in SoCal, its trivial to map the nightsky for the year 2077 in the SoCal area... even in the latest Flight Simulator 2020 the stars are now accurate at night...

Ability to choose LIVE weather based on current user location (see Flight Simulator) so say its raining in Dallas Texas where a user is playing, then in NightCity it will match that and we raining in the game as well... also ability to customize weather on-the-fly in real-time (see Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020) and have that instantly change in the game without reloading...
Along with seasons I'd like to be able to see holiday celebrations for example Christmas time espeically... I want to hear holiday music and see buildings decorated with Christmas lights and the jolly spirits of it all... Think the ambiance and environment of say Polar Express, bring that alive to Night City for Xmas...

#MINI GAMES and other Microcosm

There is a "Go" board in Chinatown... but its fake... and the players aren't even attempting to play Go... See what Google Deepmind did with AlphaGo, Facebook made an OpenGo that they open sourced... there is also LeelaZero and KataGo free AI engines that have already been trained using deeplearning/machineAI to be far better than the Go masters... the same applies to Chess by the way... but I didn't see a Chess board in Night City yet... in any case all these board games the computer AI can now master... make these games playable in NightCity, so the user can watch two NPC's play a round of Go/Chess/etc (Ai vs Ai) or can join and sit down and take a seat and play against an NPC a real game of Go/Chess, (or in the future if CP gets a multiplayer than humans can play against one another etc) basically a microcosms and games-within-a-game....
Spotify/Netflix/youTube integrations... I'd like to see the user have a portable/personal mp3 player or app on his virtual smartphone that allows him to link to his personal -reallife- spotify account to listen to music while in the game... also on the TV screens at home to be able to watch netflix movies while in this virtual apartment chilling with his date/friends... and things like YouTube integration would be nice... maybe even pornhub integration....
Other simple games like darts, bowling and even toys like RC cars or DJI drones... give the use the ability to fly drones (check out DJI Simulator) or operate rc model cars etc... basically toys that he can buy at electronic stores or corner outlets that he can then use these toys in real life for any variety of enjoyments... this also ties into #ECONOMY and why its important to have a good job /career that pays good money!

#GAMBLING/SPECUTLATION/INVESTMENTS/BETTING
Have some form of virtual casinos in the game, NightCity reminds me of Vegas, yet not one slot machine and not one means to gamble or bet? How about the ability to play the stockmarket, bitcoins, and make bets and well as go gambling, cards, poker, etc this not only provides a form of entertainment but also gives the user a way to quickly win / lose a lot of money and for the risk takers they may wish to invest their money in high risk high reward speculative stocks in the stock market instead of immediately spending it on a new apartment, new car, new tech gadget etc etc... this would also tie back to #ECONOMY since the more the user earns the more income he has to spend on gambling/stocks and the better the economy does the higher his stocks return on investment...

#ROMANCE/RELATIONSHIPS
Should be able to court any pretty woman on the streets, to walk up to her and say hi and have a path/chance to a dialogue that leads to setting up a first date... and following that if it goes well can progress to more dates and evetnually her moving in with the user and eventually even having a kid, getting married, and the works... each female NPC should have a male preference and a threshold of compatiblity... so that for example if on the first date the guy is cheap and takes her to low end resturant, doesn't have a nice car to pick her up with, and otherwise seems like a low life then she wouldn't process/continue with him... whereas if he is already established with a multimillion apartment, supercar, takes her to most expensive restuarant in NightCity, then I could see her going back to his place on the first date and maybe even getting pregnant right then and there that night etc...

My (23M) cousin is dating a (52F) woman and I'm positive she’s not good for him but don’t know what to do...

So this is a really juicy tale per se and it involves my cousin who is the same age as me and has been my best friend since a youngin and his 52 year old twice divorced with 4 kids girlfriend. I will refer to my cousin as Jordan and his woman as Sara. I'm from Tucson & Jordan lives in Palm Springs, California and we talk about once a week. About 6 months ago he told me had met a girl but didn't really call her his girlfriend and therefore I didn't really probe because it's common for him to meet girls off of tinder and then discard of them shortly thereafter. He told me she was older and that really didn't surprise me either because when he was living in Iowa with his father prior to moving back to PS he had dated a woman in her 30's . On top of that, when he was 16 him and his friends went to Huntington beach and at the hotel they were staying at he lost his virginity to a 30 year old woman. Ever, since then it's been "I like my older women cousin" to which I would reply yeah you like that roast beef (IK I'm gross) so its always been a running joke between him and I. Anyways, he never really mentioned this girl anymore after the first mention and so I didn't think anything of it figuring he just moved on like the rest of em. Fast forward a few months, his dad who lives in Tucson came over to my families house for a steak dinner and he said he'd been having terrible headaches but we really didn't think anything of it because he's a former collegiate wrestler who'd go for walks everyday and was in pretty good shape for a guy in his mid 60's. Not even 2 days later Jordan's father calls him and says the headaches are persisting, he can't keep food down, and the pain is so bad that he can't even sleep. Jordan like the good son he is drives straight down to Tucson to take his dad to the hospital (he knew his father was stubborn and wouldn't call us or even EMS to take him). While Jordan was down here he gave me a call to update me on the condition of his father (diagnosed a brain bleed) and mentioned he had came to town with his girlfriend and wanted me to meet her but they had already turned back around and left town because he had to get back to work. So I told him next time. My dad and I picked up his father from the hospital the next day and he was a bit weak and had lost ten pounds but it sounded like he was recovering. In the mean time, Jordan had called me and we were discussing the wellbeing of his father and it was on that phone call that he revealed to me his girlfriend was quote "50". I told him I didn't care as long as he was happy and told him I was happy for him but also reminded him that his twenties are precious and girls who are 50 can't have children lol. He knew I had his best interest at heart and everything was going to be fine as I really didn't care that much. Next couple of days go by and Jordan calls me scared because his dad won't pick up his phone and when I tried his number I got an answer but no one speaking on the other end, being a former EMT that scared the shit out of me and so I rushed over there. When I got to my Uncles house I banged on the window and door and got no reply and so I called the FD and they got in through the window and sure enough he was in the state he was before he went to the hospital but worse (could only speak in single words and couldn't get out of bed). The FD suspected a stroke and took him back to the hospital. So after getting him transported, I gave Jordan a call and he shot right back down to Tucson with his girlfriend Sara and had re insisted that I meet her so I just said sure give me a call after you see your dad and I'll come meet her. A whole day or two goes by and I hear nothing and figure out he had gone back to PS. So I'm thinking he was apprehensive about me meeting her which I thought was odd bc I pretty much said I didn't care. Fast Forward a couple weeks and his dad is out of the hospital and recovering at our house in our guest bedroom. He's getting physical and speech therapy in our home for a perceived stroke resulting in a brain hemorrhage (I think). 2-3 weeks go by and the vomiting, headaches and weakness return so we are advised by the home care nurse to take him to the hospital again so we take him to a different hospital nearest our house. Not even 2 days go by and it was determined through a CAT scan that he had lung cancer that had already metastasized to his brain. Of course we're all devastated and Jordan comes back into town again with Sara to see his dad. My cousin never brought her to the hospital (although Im wondering if he would've if covid didn't limit visitors) but my dad who was spending every day all day with my Uncle said Jordan would show up late to their agreed upon time to visit his dad (who is essentially non verbal at his point) and meet with DR.'s to discuss his condition and treatment and then leave after a few hours to return to the hotel with his woman. (sometimes saying he was going to return but never doing so) Pretty much it was determined based on his dads condition that radiation and chemo weren't an option and that it'd be best to put him in hospice. After all this was determined he was put into hospice care at our house and Jordan had to return to PS to get back to work planning to come visit every weekend. A few days go by and we could tell his condition was worsening quickly so he came down Saturday morning and arrived at our house Saturday evening and not even 2 hours after Jordan arrived his dad passed away in his arms. Even though he was non verbal and couldn't even open his eyes I truly believe his dad waited for him. So we arranged the funeral services and Jordan made it known that he'd be accompanied by Sara and we'd all be meeting her for the first time. Of course with us being so close he wanted me to meet her first. The day before the funeral I go over to their hotel to meet her and so i get there at first and it's a bit awkward as expected but we have a couple beers and get to talking and that's when I find out that she's actually 52, has 4 kids and is twice divorced mentioning that her first husband "picked up the bottle" after she left him and ended up dying from something liver related. I then proceed to ask how they met and they look at each other and go "you want to tell him? No you tell him" she says so my cousin goes on to tell me they met at a Casino and in my head i'm like hmmm I've only been to a casino once but I gathered that if you're looking for wifey material you best look elsewhere. So im a little skeptical but I brush it off because I'm there to support my cousin who just lost his father. We have, a couple more beers and hit the hot tub at their hotel and continue to reminisce mostly telling stories about his father and then we go back inside to watch Jordan's raiders play. This is where the tides shift, we're watching the game and one of the players has a fairly large diamond chain dangling from his neck and Sara goes "Put that N***er chain away" and I look to the left bug eyed and say "Woah, that's not cool. I don't play that shit" she's dead silent and so is my cousin and it's awkward between her and I the rest of the time but the part that irked me the most was my cousin was sort of rude and condescending towards ME for the rest of the night. So at that point im thinking to myself ok I definitely do not like this woman at all...whatsoever. But his dads funeral is tomorrow and it's not about me so we just gotta trudge along. To make matters even worse, I give Jordan a copy of the eulogy my brother wrote. My brother is his dad's Godson and Jordan didn't want to do the eulogy because he was still so hurt and shocked and public speaking isn't his strong suit. My brother asks if there was anything he'd like to add, perhaps a story or something he wanted to mention about his father. He takes a pen and writes "I'd like to thank my Uncle ***** (my dad) for taking all the appropriate measures to get my dad the care he needed while he was sick and especially Sara for her endless love and support during these hard times" or something along those lines. Keep in mind his father never met this girl and neither had anyone in our family except for the shit impression she left on me. Now before I even expressed my opinion of her to my parents they said yeah we're not putting that shit in there and so that comment was left out completely. Are my family and I blowing things out of proportion or is this completely un fucking acceptable? You have to understand, from the time Jordan's father got sick until he passed it was literally 5 weeks. We have never experienced sudden death in our family like this and we spent 90% of those 5 weeks at his side and when he died so suddenly it literally crushed us. It was just a huge slap in the face to us and most importantly his father that all he had to say was that he was thankful for this woman with shit character who came into his life 7 months ago. So my question to you guys and please please please I need some insight is with Christmas around the corner and him most likely wanting to bring this woman into our household for xmas festivities what should we do? Am I overreacting? I just feel bad because my cousin is living with this piece of work in Palm Springs and she's literally all he has there and if I were to tell him don't bring her for xmas dude I just feel like that would be another blow on top of just recently losing his father. At the same time, my family and I know she's not good for him therefore don't want her around, my cousin is not mature for his age and I just don't see anything remotely positive amounting from this girl. Please help, I'm so lost as to what to do in this situation.
PS his mom and my mom have already expressed their disdain towards her to Jordan and while I haven't directly but I'm sure he knows what I'm thinking. He doesn't seem to care and has a skewed perception of her.

My [29M] close friendship with a coworker [25F] has fallen apart due to work rumours. [Long post]

So I might start off by saying I am extremely introverted and socially anxious/awkward (to the point of taking medication to counter it), so making lasting friends doesn't really come naturally to me which is why this is such a big deal to me. In general I am terrible at reading social situations and I'm prone to overthinking.
To start, we have known each other for about 2 years, when she started at my work in the office next to mine. I will be honest I don't even remember my first interaction with her, but my earliest memory of her was walking into the sales office to see her and another female coworker stalking my Facebook. I said that if she wanted to know something about me that she could always ask and that I'm an open book. This broke the ice so to speak and from there we began talking more regularly. We had friendly work interactions and coworkers began to notice. They started pushing me to ask her out, which I briefly considered before learning that she had a long term partner. From this point on people started cracking jokes about us and our new friendship. At the time we both laughed it off and said we didn't care what the others said, but this was actually a lie.
Fast forward like 8 months and we start to become close friends. Early into her time at work she saw me using snapchat at work and slid her phone into my camera to scan her snapcode, so that is what we would use primarily to communicate outside of work, though we had added each other on Facebook and she had given me her personal phone number. She had proposed a few outside of work activities that we should try. One was a local hiking trail and another was korean BBQ because I had never been but they never came to fruition.
At this point our coworkers had come to terms with our friendship so the comments had slowed to only very occasional. It wasn't uncommon to find one of us at the others desk having a chat and now that people weren't commenting on it things were much better. Plus we have to interact for work anyway. She begins to open up to me about issues she is having inside/outside of work and I try to help as best I can. We begin to snapchat each other so much we become BFFs (red hearts).
At the end of the year she asks me to go with her to the work xmas party so when everyone has finished the final shift and people are filtering out and discussing how they are all getting to the venue she drags me over to her car and even denys another coworker a lift. This drew a huge amount of comments and side-eyes as we left alone together. Honestly we just joked and laughed in the car ride and there was nothing to it. She spent the whole event by my side because some other coworkers had been creepy to her in the past. We had some fun, did some shots, but she ended up bailing early to meet up with her partner. She later told me she hates work events due to issues she had at her last work with rumours. I left at the same time because I was catching up with family. Back at work the next year comments continued relentlessly and it was starting to piss me off. She said she was fine with it, but again that was a lie. The new year continues on like normal.
Out of sheer coincidence over the Easter break we both end up travelling to the same city during our time off. We don't plan to meet up but we happen to both be at the cities casino at the same time and decide to meet. I break away from my family to go say hi (and that's all I intended it to be). We meet in one of the bars and she drags me up to the bar to grab a drink. I buy one, I meet her partner and chat about their trip. He says he is going to go play blackjack and I say I should head back to my family. She asks if I can introduce them to her. I lead her back to where they are and I introduce her as my work friend. We have a small 10 min or so conversation when she asks if I want to stay and grab another drink. My family says they are heading to the hotel so I say yes. She hugs my family goodbye and we head back to the bar to grab another drink. On the way she asks if she thinks my family liked her. I said yes but questioned why and she said that she always wants parents to like her just incase. This response threw me a bit but I shrugged it off.
We found her partner and played a bit of blackjack. She hates gambling and wanted to move on to another bar or to one of the upstiars clubs but he didn't, which caused a little bit of an argument which was awkward and I even considered leaving. She drags me off to get another drink and eventually he relents and we go to a club upstairs. We spend the night drinking and chatting and dancing (horribly) together. Overall it was pretty fun. We uber home at around 2am, we drunkenly chat in the cab about our birthdays coming up and decide on gifts for each other. She kisses me goodbye outside her hotel and the uber travels onto my hotel. She snapchats me at 4am to chat. After that night our chat frequencies increast 2 fold. The night before I leave she starts snapping me at 5am and wakes me up with the notification that she is typing but never sends it.
We get back to work and are super close. We have developed rituals like sending each other randomly generated inspirational quotes, buying each other bubble tea on fridays, buying each other a snickers bar if we know the other is having a shit day. Suddenly a week or so later things start to take a weird turn. She starts to ghost me on snap occasionally or would leave me unread for extended periods of time. I ask her at work if everything is ok and she says yes and that she is just stressed about work but it goes on for another week or so. After she left me unread for 3 days even though she was posting stories I asked if we were all good. She acts shocked and calls me weird for even thinking that we weren't. Again I brushed it off even though deep down I knew it was a lie. I accepted that if she wanted to tell me she would and to just leave it alone, hoping she would open up later.
During this time we had a terrible national operations manager who was entirely unprofessional. He would find reasons to fire people he didn't like based on one interaction. As it so happens she accidentally crossed this manager by not doing something he asked, and being the unprofessional jerk he was he told me how he was going to let her go because "she wasn't working out in sales". With that said she was still new in sales and did make mistakes, but any ones I caught I would just fix before they became real issues. He was insistent though, until I laid out how far she has come in a small amount of time, asked him to weigh her up compared to the other sales members performance etc. By the end of it I managed to talk him out of firing her. I never told her though, because it would have just stressed her out uneccersarily.
Over the next 2 months things started cooling off even more. Ghosted even more frequently, red heart gone, sometimes even the best friends emoji gone as well if her ghosting streaks happened to line up. Little rituals at work became less frequent and then pretty much stopped all together unless I walked up to her and asked outright if she would like to go, and even then it was not always a yes. When in the past she would initiate as much as I would.
It was actually stressing me out a lot watching our friendship slip away like this. I tried one last time to really ask her if she was all good and she deflected again. I think she could see the emotions plain on my face because that night she finally filled me in with a wall of text out of the blue.
She texted me to say that she was having massive arguments with her BF about how close our friendship had become and how much we have been chatting outside of work. She said she was sorry for hurting me by avoiding me but she was too scared to tell me because she didn't know what to say and got advice from another coworker on what to say (they basically said just talk to me). She said that we should dial back our snapchat interactions. Honestly it was a relief to finally have the answer but I was very sad/disappointed because I consider her a very close friend. I told her that while her BF shouldn't feel threatened by her having close male friends but that I would do exactly as asked and dial back interactions outside of work and that we are all good, just that I had wished she had been honest from the start because we probably could have defused the situation a lot sooner.
I keep my word and actually take it a step further. I don't contact her outside of work for over 3 months. During this time we become distant at work, our rituals stop and we begin to avoid each other out of awkwardness.
I thought things would be like this forever but at the work pub crawl I drunkenly texted her to tell her that our boss had "been slipped" something and had been taken away in an ambulance. This conversation opened the floodgates and suddenly we were starting to talk outside of work again, albiet at a greatly reduced rate. Our work relationship began to mend, and by chance the sales department was struggling so I was asked to help with her workload during the last hours of our shift so we were sitting with each other, alone, for the last 2 hours of our shifts which gave us time to chat. We rekindled our friendship and she began opening up to me again about quitting from here and going back to study, or her being offered a promotion at another branch, about her sister losing her license so her needing to leave early so she could pick her up from day care on certain days. I opened up to her about my parents splitting and the fallout from that and she gave me advice and support because she had gone through the same. We even picked up some of our old rituals. It was almost like it was, just with a big shadow hanging over us telling us that we were toeing a line we couldn't cross. This made things awkward sometimes but overall I was happy to have her friendship back in my life.
This new work arrangement, and our rekindled friendship had sparked new comments from other staff members. And like clockwork, we both laughed them offand said we were fine with it, you know, like liars. Again, we started drifting apart a little bit but not to the same extent. It wasn't until I had to take 3 days off unannounced due to a family crisis that things drastically changed. I came back to work and was blindisded by rumours. Rumours that I had been suspended because we were caught having sex in the back room, rumours that she had put in a sexual harassment complaint about me and that I was suspended, rumours that we had broken up (yeah a number of people from outside departments we don't deal with day to day thought we were a couple).
And when I got into the office she wouldn't look me in the eye and would barely speak to me. Even though our jobs roles require it. This went on for a week until I finally spoke to my boss about it, saying that it was affecting my work. He filled me in slightly. She had gone to HR when I was away and complained about the rumours. Assured me that it was nothing that I had done persoanlly but advised me to try limit my interactions for her sake (which I agree with).
I was shocked because, well, she had always said she was fine with the jokes, then I felt terrible because I had been unknowingly making her uncomfortable when I also just laughed off the jokes. I reached out a bit on snapchat hoping to start a conversation and hopefully shift the subject to the issue, but all our conversations burned out after 3 or 4 posts. One defining trait we both share is that we avoid potential conflict at all costs.
This has now gone on to the present day. I still help her with her workload for around an hour per day if she needs it, but our interactions are stilted and awkward on both ends. We talk on socials but again, the conversations are stilted. Occasionally we will hit a spark and talk like we used to, either in person or on snap but they are few and far between and to be honest the uncertainty of not knowing how a conversation will go with her is stressing me the hell out and making my work life hell. I have tried to keep my distance and at the start of this year basically tried to ignore her. I think it just made things worse, I think she was offended/annoyed that I was avoiding her because she was very short with me during that time. I couldn't keep it up, because we have to work closely together, and because deep down I want to talk to her.
Honestly, I have no idea how to tackle this issue. I miss my close friend, but cannot talk to her much at work in fear of sparking rumours/comments again, and I can't speak to her out of work in fear that she starts arguing with her BF again. At this point I don't even know where she stands or if she even wants to be friends because it currently feels like I am initiating more conversations than she is.
I really need some advice.
Is this friendship doomed to fail? Is there anything I can do from my side to help this issue?

A-Z of My Story So Far

My name is Mark and I am a compulsive gambler. My last bet was April 2nd 2019. I have a lot of things on my mind right now, although the urge or thought to gamble isn’t one of them, and I feel like I have a lot to say but just need time to figure it out. I think my head is a bit all over the place and I want to tackle various issues at once instead of taking a step back and approaching it one at a time. So I thought that an A-Z of my journey so far, life, gambling and recovery, might give me an opportunity to touch on various things just a little and maybe allow some of the thoughts I have to escape.
A is for Abstinence - There is a huge difference in my mind between abstinence and recovery as abstinence simply involves stopping gambling. Now, for some that may be enough to stay away for the rest of their lives and that is fantastic, but for me, I knew through experience it wouldn’t be enough. I have tried to stop on my own in the past and eventually my “will power” ended and I went right back. I was never actually trying to become a better person or trying to learn a better way to live, I was simply stopping gambling in the hope that everything would fix itself which was never going to be enough. Now, abstinence is vital for my recovery because I need to stop gambling but I have done, and continue to do, so much more than just stopping gambling because I need to do it. I’ve come into recovery not knowing who or what I am or should have been. I’ve been gambling since I was 18 years old, dabbling before that as well, and I never “grew” into the adult I was supposed to be or could have been. So I really have to start from the beginning with a blank canvas, which I honestly feel has massive potential for me, and get to write my own story of how my life goes from here on out, but I can’t do that simply by abstaining from gambling.
“We can't just hope that something will happen. We must put in the work.
If we simply wait for our life to improve without putting in the necessary work then we aren't going anywhere.”
B is for Blog - I read a fellow Problem Gambler Support Group members blog not long after I joined and it was all about his gambling journey. I thought “that’s a good idea, I’m going to steal that” and set up my own website. It didn’t quite go like what but I thought there would be a benefit from writing my story out, for me at the very least. Turns out people liked it and said it was good and well written and they got something from it. So I wrote more and I kept getting the same feedback then decided to share my step work and tackle other topics to do with my recovery. I’ll be honest, I’m still unsure if my writing is any good, but people like it and tell me it is, so I’ll just accept that and be very happy with the compliments and keep on writing. I get so much from writing my blogs, it allows me to formulate my thoughts so much better than I do when I am speaking, cause i’m Irish and I use fuck like a comma when talking, less so when writing. I also find it allows me to dig down really deep when reflecting back in my gambling past or thinking about any topic to be honest. I have found out so much about myself from my writing that it’s been a huge benefit to my recovery. It’s also amazing when someone tells me that they could relate to something I’ve written or that something in my blog has helped them with their recovery. That sort of feedback is priceless for me and I’m just happy I have an opportunity to give back because at the end of the day you have to give it away to keep it.
“I’m usually terrified people will hate my writing.
My only saving grace is how I direct that fear. I use it to motivate me to find better ideas and share more useful examples rather than allowing it to prevent me from sharing at all.
Fear is the gas pedal, not the brake.” James Clear
C is for Choice - “You aren’t responsible for your first thought but you are responsible for your first action”. That is one of my favourite quotes and probably one of the first things I will tell a newcomer or someone who is struggling with urges (people are probably bored of it by now but sometimes boring is good). I am a firm believer that if I want to gamble I can, yes I have blocks in place, but if I really want to do it I can choose to do it. At the same time, I also have the choice not to gamble and that is what I choose to do. Now, I understand that people suffer from urges and these can get to a point where it feels like there is no choice so they gamble. For me, it’s all about knowing what to do in those situations and what I have learned it recovery. I know if I am struggling to reach out and talk to someone (more on that later I am sure) as that is the most important tool for me. We also have the choice to break the triangle that compulsive gamblers require to gamble, money, time and opportunity. Anyone can choose to break that triangle if they want to. It all comes back to the initial quote for me though, I am responsible for my first action, it’s all about making the right choice.
“The 3 C's in life: Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice, to take the Chance, if you want anything in life to Change.”
D is for Desire - The only membership requirement for Gamblers Anonymous is a desire to stop gambling. April 2nd 2019 is the first time I have truly had that desire. Up until that point the only desire I had was to hide my secret life from those closest to me and to be able to gamble as much and as long as I wanted. The definition of desire is “a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen”. I feel like where I am now in recovery, I have no desire to gamble which has given me an opportunity to focus on my recovery.
Gala - “Freed from desire, mind and senses purified”.
E is for Excitement - That excitement or buzz that I used to get from gambling was something else and I’ll be honest, I haven’t found anything that can match it on a consistent level since entering recovery. Sometimes meetings will come close, I will leave one buzzing after what I have just heard or shared, but in general, for me, recovery as a whole is a lot more relaxed. This is perfectly fine as I feel that I have accepted that I no longer need the buzz or excitement in my life all the time and that I can lead a perfectly enjoyable and fulfilling life without those high highs, because, as I know too well from experience, eventually the highs run out and they are followed by low lows.
“Take a break and chill out. We are always on the go, doing this or that. Sometimes we just need to sit back and relax or else the world will simply pass us by.”
F is for Family & Friends - I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t be in the position I am in today if it wasn’t for my family standing by me. I fully expected to be kicked out by my partner when I told her and I wouldn’t be able to see my two kids everyday. I was terrified, so I am aware of how big a step it is to tell your loved ones, but it was a step I had to take. I would rather have been a part time Dad in recovery than a “full time” Dad in active addiction. Plus, over the last few months I have been talking to more partners of gambling addicts and I really appreciate learning how they feel and are affected by compulsive gambling. The money isn’t the main issue, it’s the lies, the broken trust and the fact we put them in a position of enablers. I know I manipulated those closest to me to get what I wanted and I didn’t once care how they would feel about it. They are also affected and some may need support and for me hearing their experiences are a vital cog in my recovery wheel. I also wouldn’t be where I am without the understanding and support of my friends. I owed a lot of my friends money which I lied to get and I broke their trust, but they all stood by me and told me how proud they were of me for admitting I had a gambling problem. That support, along with the support of my family gave me a strong foothold when I entered recovery. The best thing I can do to repay my family and friends is to remain in recovery and work towards becoming a better person each day.
“Living a double life of addiction can be exhausting. Pretending everything is okay to our family and friends when we know it isn't. Once we surrender to our addiction we open up the possibility of Recovery.”
G is for GamCare - This is only been a place I have been fully utilising over the last few months because before then, I’ll be honest, I didn’t get it. I would go onto chat regularly but usually just sit there and read what other people were saying, I rarely got involved. I feel like part of it was my ego, I didn’t understand how people could just use a chat and recover. Then I started to learn that there is not a one size fits all recovery program and around November 2019 I started to get more involved. I not only used the chat room but started to post on the forum. I had a place where I could talk to other compulsive gamblers and not only help myself but help them by passing on the message. I have met some wonderful people via GamCare and some I have a great connection with, one which I hope to maintain. It was simply a case of me getting out of GamCare what I put in at the start, which wasn’t much. Now I absolutely love the place and totally see what a great tool it is for people looking for support with their recovery.
“If all we do is take and never give, we will surely be weighed down by our loot.
Recovery is as much about giving as it is receiving. We must give it away to keep it.”
H is for Honesty - One of the mantras I constantly say to newcomers is that you need three things for a chance at a successful recovery, HOW; Honesty, Open Mindedness and Willingness. For me being honest with those closest to me was a vital first step and it lifted a huge weight of my shoulders. Then each day in recovery I have been trying to be as honest as I possibly can. It’s so much easier if you tell the truth because you only have to tell it once. Looking back to when I was gambling it was crazy the amount of lies and bullshit I was telling people, by the end I wasn’t sure what was true and what was a lie. It’s not like that today though, I can look myself in the mirror and know that I am an honest person. I feel like I am honest in my meetings and through my writing. I share things that I probably do not need to share but it helps me not only get my thoughts out but at some point someone else may hear or read it and realise they aren’t alone.
French Proverb: “There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.”
I is for Intention - The subject of intent was briefly discussed at one of my Skype meetings and I feel quite strongly about this. I fully accept responsibility for my actions when gambling because when I break it all down, I was the person who chose to gamble in the first place. Each time I gambled it was my choice. The best example I have is if I went to a bar and had 5 or 6 pints and got in my car to drive home but on the way crash and kill 4 people. My intention was just to drive home, I didn’t intend to cause pain and suffering but I knew the risks when I got in the car. For me it’s the same as gambling. I may not have intended to cause pain and suffering to my kids and partner and those closest to me, but I did. These were consequences of my actions. I may not even have been fully aware of the pain I was causing or didn’t want to be aware, either way the intent was in my initial action which was gambling. Were there other outside forces at work, such as advertising and offers encouraging me to keep gambling? Yes there were but again I do not want to waste my energy blaming the industry for what has happened to me. The responsibility of what I have done lands firmly at my feet. Does that mean the industry should continue to get away with what they do? Absolutely not. Are people groomed by the industry and bled dry of all their money? 100% and it is a disgrace. There needs to be accountability of the gambling industry but for me personally, with what I went through when gambling and for my own recovery, the focus of responsibility needs to be on me and me alone. I’ve been in recovery for over ten months now and the person who has changed is me, not the gambling industry. That’s what I focus on because it’s the one thing I can control and that I can really change to make a difference.
“It’s not intentions that matter. It’s actions.
We are what we do and say, not what we intend to.”
J is for Jeff - If I said I owe this man a lot it would be an understatement as he was instrumental in helping me from when I got into recovery. Jeff is the man behind the Problem Gambling Support Group and I had messaged him on Wednesday 3rd April 2019 asking to join the group as I had seen a post on Reddit about it. This wasn’t my first time speaking to Jeff though, that was November 2018 when I had been on Reddit under a different name and was trying to stop casino gambling online but wanted to continue sports betting...yea, didn’t work out well. Jeff contacted me around that time and we messaged back and forth one afternoon, with Jeff telling me the benefits of recovery and me trying to tell him how I could still gamble responsibly. Bottom line, I wasn’t ready for recovery then but when I was Jeff could not have been more welcoming. Jeff took me under his wing and spoke to me often in the early days and I asked him to be my Sponsor. He has helped me work the steps and has been a part of my recovery journey the whole time. I feel like I have someone who I can reach out to at any time and he’ll be there for me. It’s hard to really do justice for the impact Jeff has made on my recovery, but I honestly believe things would be a lot different if it wasn’t for his support and guidance. Sponsorship has been so important to me and up until recently I didn’t believe I had what it takes to be one but I have been given an opportunity to be a Sponsor now and I am loving it. If I can be half the Sponsor that Jeff has been to me I know I’ll be a success.
“Fellowship is so important to Recovery
What we can't do on our own, we can do together. From Friendship to Sponsorship to Relationships we need people in our life to help us with our Recovery.”
K is for Kids - My kids are my life but I have not hidden the fact that I had gambling above them when I was practicing my addiction. I don’t say that lightly as it really does upset me to think about it but that is how it was. I gambled without a single thought about them and I needed gambling in my life more than I thought I needed them. Now, my kids were always looked after, mainly by my partner, but I also spent time with them, only they had me there in body but my mind was escaping into the world of online gambling. Since entering recovery I have realised how much I actually love my kids (even though they can be wee bastards at times) and they are my Higher Power. When I am struggling with a choice to make I think how my actions will impact my kids. I’ve spent so much more quality time with them and I love spending that time together. It’s easy to sit here now and say that I have made it up to my kids or that they were too young to understand, but when they have experienced their Dad shouting at them for no reason because I was losing bets or they were interrupting my gambling that leaves emotional scars for them. I’ll never be able to remove those scars, all I can do is continue on my recovery journey and become someone they are proud to say is their Dad.
“If we hold onto the past it is bound to weigh us down. The past made us the people we are today but holding onto shame and guilt will inevitably lead us back down the rabbit hole. Don't forget the past, but don't let it prevent you from living for today.”
L is for Life - There’s so many different ways I could take this but where I will go first is that I truly believe that I will be a compulsive gambler for the rest of my life. Now, that sounds quite scary, I’ll be going to meetings for life, I’ll be unable to gamble for the rest of my life, I’ll potentially have an element of fear for the rest of my life. The good news is I just have to worry about arresting the addiction a day at a time, it’s a lifelong journey with a daily program is how I look at it. I also want to briefly mention how I got a life back, not my life but a life. That’s because I have grown into an adult with my addiction, I have met my partner with my addiction and I have had kids with my addiction. I have no idea what my life is supposed to look like without gambling in it or what it should have looked like as I grew into an adult. So I have been given a clean slate to make a new life for myself, to become the person that I want to be. That is exciting and of course a little scary but it is an opportunity I am grateful to receive.
“Entering Recovery represents the start of a new Life
A life where we don't have to worry about how to get the next one or if we remember the mess we got ourselves into last night. Recovery is the start of a good life.”
M is for Meetings - Many meetings make it easy was a saying I heard at my G.A meetings and I have to say I agree with it. I do one in person G.A. meeting a week (#MondayNightCrew4Life) and I also do three Skype meetings a week with my Problem Gambling Support Group which involves gamblers from all around the world. Both are different which I like but I still get so much from both groups. It helps the people in both are brilliant and I feel I have gotten really lucky in that regard. Looking back to my first G.A. meeting, I assumed I would be sat with a bunch of old men trying to convert me to religion or else desperate for a bet and I thought it wouldn’t be for me, but up until that point the decisions I had made weren’t exactly the best so I thought fuck it, what’s the worst that can happen, I waste a couple of hours. My first meeting was amazing, I left absolutely buzzing. I found a group of people who could relate to me and who understood what I was going through, but more than that, they had actually been in my shoes and knew how to walk this journey. So I said to myself I’m going to share in meetings but the most important thing for me was to actually listen and take on board what was said. It was the same for my Skype meetings, although a different format, it was full of people who once were in my position. Many meetings not only make it easy in my opinion, but they make recovery.
“We take solace in the rooms of Recovery
There is comfort and love in this place. We feel safe.
Just For Today I am grateful for all the rooms of recovery which house those in need.”
N is for Neglect - Where do I even begin with this one. I neglected everything in my life when I was gambling, my health from hardly eating and hardly sleeping to my job where I didn’t do any work to my friendships that I allowed to drift away because I didn’t put any effort into them as they got in the way of my gambling to relationships which I allowed to turn to shit right before my eyes. I think the relationships with those closest to me is what hurts the most and it’s because of the hurt I have caused them. They’ll have to live with those scars for the rest of their life. It’s all good me being in recovery and wanting to become a better person, but I wasn’t the only one being harmed for 14 years, those closest to me were also harmed and I don’t even know how much hurt I inflicted. I’ll probably never know. My kids are what kills me when I look back, as they had to deal with me shouting at them for no reason because I was having a shit time. I was taking the consequences of my choices and my actions out on them and I wasn’t a nice person to be around. Although I was never violent I also know that words hurt and the fact is I wasn’t the sort of Dad I wanted to be, but more importantly, that they deserved to have.
“A little neglect may breed great mischief.” Benjamin Franklin
O is for Open Mindedness - The second part of “HOW” and something that was alien to me coming into recovery. To me being open minded meant listening to other people's opinions, which if I didn’t already know and agreed with, meant I thought they were shit. There was no winning me round with facts, I’d just try to convince you that I was right and my way was the best way. Well, once I got into meetings I sat on my chair (or virtual chair for Skype) and closed my mouth and opened my ears. The best story I can relate to this in my recovery is from my G.A. meetings. There was one member the first few times I listened to him share I thought “fuck me he goes on a bit and I don’t get it” then a few weeks later he shared a story and I was like “that’s me, that guy is me and if I go back out there I’ll be living his life story”. From that point, I’ve listened to everything he says and he’s one of my favourite speakers but it also taught me to listen to each person because you never know what they will say that just hits you. Another part of open mindedness for me is listening to what everyone suggests to me and trying it because if it’s worked for them it might work for me. Not everything has worked for me but I’ve yet to get a suggestion that harmed me or my recovery in any way.
“Our best thinking got us here... We must remain open-minded to new ideas in Recovery. They may not all work for us, but we should at least be willing to hear what they are about.”
P is for Present - Not Xmas presents but present as in today. I really struggle to recognise the progress I have made in my recovery so this feels like a good way to take this word, comparing me today vs me when I came into recovery. Honesty is a big one which I have obviously covered earlier but I do find myself being much more honest than I was. Do I always get it right? Not at all, either withholding thoughts or feelings or only telling part of a story has got me into bother on occasion but I am trying to be as honest as I can. I’ve spent most of my life lying about everything so it’s hard to be so honest, but if you tell the truth you only have to tell it once. How I feel about other people has also changed massively as I used to fucking hate the world. I hated everyone in it and assumed they were going out of their way to make my life miserable. Turns out the only person going out of their way to do that was me. Now I really, genuinely care for other people, in recovery, outside of recovery, I have empathy, I’m willing to reach out and let people know they aren’t alone. My mental health has also definitely improved and although I struggle with low self-esteem, I am generally in a good place whereas when I came into recovery I was broken. Relationships with those closest to me are something that have improved but there is still a lot of work to do in one of them. That’s something that hopefully will continue to improve over time. I’ll finish with this, I have a voice now, a voice that I can use for myself but also for good. When I came into recovery I was used to just telling people what I thought they wanted to hear as I was trying to hide my secret life, now I can just be me and feel comfortable using my voice.
“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.”
Q is for Quitting - Quitting is something that has come so easy to me in other aspects of my life, quitting hockey, friends, hobbies whatever it is, but I couldn’t quit when I was gambling. I would always tell myself if I got ahead I’d quit and withdraw but rarely did I manage it, and if I did it was deposited straight back into the bookies once it hit my account. After a while there was no quitting when I was ahead because I was so far behind I was never going to be able to get ahead. I even tried quitting the casino side of things after it became a problem (I only started playing the casino side the last 18 months of my active addiction) to focus on sports betting because in my head I wasn’t addicted to sports. That was a lie of course, but I still went back to the casino side of things when I had money because I just could not quit that buzz and excitement.
“I honestly thought I would use until I died. The thought of quitting gambling wasn't plausible, impossible actually.
Just For Today I will believe in the impossible because at one time this current existence was impossible.”
R is for Recovery - I’ll be the first to admit that I have thrown myself head first into my recovery and fully embraced it. I get so much out of it and I put a lot of work into it. This is what my recovery looks like, and while all of it isn’t for everyone, I feel it shows the difference between abstinence and recovery. I attend one in person G.A. meeting a week, three Skype meetings with my Problem Gambling Support Group, I have a Sponsor, I Sponsor someone, I work the Steps, I write my blog and post it on the Reddit Problem Gambling Sub and GamCare forum, I use the GamCare chat rooms twice a day most days, I reach out and offer help and support if I can, I listen to podcasts about addiction, I have been on two podcasts sharing my story, I do my own research on addiction and I am going to start and learn about SMART Recovery. Think that’s it all, and while it looks like a lot, it’s nothing compared to the time I spent gambling and it all fits around my life. I feel like recovery is the thing that has been missing from my life, that place where I am accepted for being me, a place where I can make a difference. Recovery is so important to me and my life and without it there is no way I would have stopped gambling.
“Recovery is a transformation of self. From the ashes of defeat in the battle of Addiction to a renewed sense of purpose in the triumph of Recovery. We strive to become better and better with each passing day.”
S is for Springsteen - I love Bruce Springsteen and listening to his music really resonates with me and can help me think and process my emotions and thoughts. Music really does have that sort of power and it has been a vital tool during my recovery. I can get lost in music, almost like an escape, but for me it’s a healthy escape. My personality needs some alone time to be able to recharge and that’s when I turn to music. I find lyrics jumping out at me and meaning different things at various stages of my recovery. A lyric will transport me back to a time or place and make me remember, good or bad, what had happened. Music can also just help me go from feeling down to feeling happy and realise that things aren’t as bad as I thought there were.
“Bruce Springsteen is the direct line to all that is true in this shitty world”.
T is for Talking - This was something I have come to find is one of my most useful tools I have developed and used in recovery. In the past I would never have opened up and spoken about my feelings but now I am in recovery I feel more confident to talk to at least one person about what is going on in my head. I’ve found talking has been an amazing way for me to solve problems that have been bothering me and eating away at me. Even just to vent is such a powerful tool, it can make me realise that I am making a big deal out of something that really isn’t. It also allows me to ask for advice and to get used to the fact that I do not possess all the answers. It was about swallowing my pride and realises that the main benefit of a support network is to rely on it when you need it. Sometimes I have asked questions that have made me feel stupid, but I have never been judged. Talking is one of the most important tools I have and it is something I always say to anyone I talk to in recovery, if you are ever struggling then reach out to me or to someone else, even if it’s just to say what is on your mind.
“Asking for help is hard. It certainly didn't come naturally to me and can still be a struggle.
Just For Today I will ask for help when I need it.”
U is for Understood - Recovery is the first place I have really felt that people have understood me and what I have put myself through with my gambling addiction. “Put myself through” sounds like I am a victim, they have understood what I did when gambling. The longer I have been in recovery the more I feel people understand this new me that I have become, even more so than those in my life outside of recovery because they see me “in action” so to speak, in meetings, through my writing, helping others etc. There is something about going into a meeting and knowing, that no matter what you say or feel, you can feel safe sharing it and will not be judged.
“I am not a perfect person, I make a lot of mistakes.. but still, I love those people who stay with me after knowing how I really am.”
V is for Vicious - The vicious cycle that I was in when gambling broke me mentally, it was insanity when I look back on it. I would get paid and the first thing I would do is stay up until my pay hit my bank account around 1am and deposit and gamble. I would then pay back any money I had borrowed from friends or family and pay bounced direct debits from the previous month. I would then gamble more than I intended, have to bounce more direct debits, had to borrow more money from friends and family by lying to them. My phone bill was around £275 a month because of my insanity on top of all this. I was borrowing more money from people and from companies (although luckily I had wrecked my credit rating early on in my gambling career or it could have been far worse) and it was just getting worse and worse each month. One of my friends asked me before, “how the fuck did you sleep at night?” and looking back I have no idea.
“We are grateful to be in Recovery today. To think the pain of active addiction is in the rear view mirror, but we must remain vigilant. If we let up in our program for too long our addiction will surely catch up to us.
Just For Today I will commit myself to my program.”
W is for Willingness - The final part of “HOW” and without it, for me, recovery would have been impossible. I threw myself head first into my recovery and was open to whatever people suggested to me and was willing to try. Someone once told me I was very teachable when it came to recovery and I think that proves the willingness I had. I knew if I was going to come out about my gambling, if I was going to admit I had a problem and needed help, I would lose the one thing I loved at that point and that was gambling. If I was going to lose gambling I was going to make sure it was worth it. Quickly in recovery I realised that my kids were the most important thing to me and that if I went back to gambling I would lose them. I am not willing for that to happen. I want to become a better person, I want to become a better Dad and I want to improve myself in all possible aspects. Recovery has given me a new lease of life and a willingness to succeed. I have even started a Diploma in Counselling Skills - Level 2 online which is something I would never have done if I was still gambling.
“At some point there is no excuse, either you want to do everything it takes to make it happen, or you don’t.”
X is for X Roads - Or crossroads, yeah I cheated a little, big deal. I feel like I have had two massive crossroads in my life regarding my gambling and recovery. The first is obviously when I decided that I was going to come clean to my partner. I have written before about the weekend prior to entering recovery and that was the pivotal moment. Without going into the details I’ll just say it was an up and down roller coaster of emotions and money that ended up with me at zero. It was at that point something in my head clicked and realised I was never going to be able to win my way out of this mess, it was only going to get worse. The question was did I want to own up and face the consequences or did I want to keep digging? For me the consequences of telling my partner was her kicking me out and me not being able to see my kids every day, that scared me to death. I can still remember the day I told my partner vividly. She had gone to the gym with her friend and I was pacing around the living room with a notebook in my hand. Earlier that day a friend of mine at work realised I wasn’t my “usual” self and asked if I wanted to go for a drink at lunch. So I did and told him what was going on. He was great and listened and said he reckons I should tell my partner and get the help I needed. So I wrote out all my debts, my budget going forward and my closest G.A. meeting, just in case I would forget anything when I was telling her. So her friend's car pulls up after the gym and she comes in and sits down. At this point I am still 50/50 in my head if I am going to tell her or not and my head is spinning. Then she starts telling me about the gym and how she got on and I was thinking to myself, “WHO THE F**K CARES ABOUT THE F**KING GYM! I’M TRYING TO DECIDE IF I SHOULD TELL YOU ABOUT MY GAMBLING ADDICTION!” My heart is beating so fast at this point like it’s going to jump out of my chest and I am panicking. So she finally stops talking and I just spit it out that I have a gambling problem and need help. I was crying, not for sympathy but because of the relief of finally admitting it, not only to her, but to myself, for the first time. I handed her the notebook and I was just waiting for her to throw me out but she didn’t, she stood by me. Got me to call round my parents and tell them and that’s when I officially entered recovery. The other crossroad was fairly recently in recovery, and I would say it wasn’t long after I was ten months gamble free. I basically had a real crisis of confidence, my low self-esteem came to the fore and I was debating if this new me was the real me or was I actually just a fraud. I think this came from a perfect storm of things. I always struggled with low self-esteem but I hadn’t really addressed it in recovery and I did my therapy reading at my Skype group and the feedback I got was overwhelmingly positive. People were saying really good things about me and I don’t think I was expecting it. Then around the same time I also had some other people telling me how much I had helped them, how good my writing was and how good a person I was and I think I just panicked. That voice inside my head telling me I wasn’t good enough was getting louder and louder and I was afraid that I was a fraud. I was afraid my recovery was a lie. I reached out and talked to people close to me and after several pretty intense hours I realised that it was down to me, I had to believe in myself. I had to take that leap of faith. I was also told to “remember that someone believes in you...me”, and that will stick with me forever. So, in my head I was standing on the top of a cliff and I just had to take a leap of faith and embrace this person I had become, waiting for me on the cliff top was the old me, my old behaviours and I didn’t want any part of that. So that’s what I did, I took that leap of faith and believed in myself.
“Feeling our Emotions again after we stop using can be very difficult. After suppressing what we felt for so long it is completely foreign to feel so much. Learning to process these feeling is important to maintain our Recovery”
Y is for You Know Who You Are - If I tried to name everyone who has had an impact on my recovery I would easily miss people out, so instead I am going to list what people have done for me or how they have made me feel and as the name suggests, you know who you are. You are the person who made me feel welcome, who made me smile, who made me laugh when I thought it was impossible, who stood by me, who looked after my finances, who gave me time to pay money back, who helped me up when I was down, who celebrated the good times with me, who talked to me when I needed someone, who listened to me when I needed to vent, who called me out on my bullshit, who gave me opportunities to improve myself, who made me believe in myself, who told me I was good enough, who told me I deserve this, who told me they were proud of me, who appreciated my help, who asked me for advice, who was honest with me, who made me see clearly, who inspires me by their commitment to life, who inspires me by their commitment to recovery, who read my blogs, who wanted me to succeed and who told me I could achieve my dreams.
“Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. Don't miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.”
Z is for Zombification - Is an instance or process of turning into a zombie. The process of zombification involves poisoning an individual with toxin from a puffer fish. So, I guess gambling is the puffer fish in this case because I could literally feel myself dying inside as I gambled at times. Time just slipped away while I said I would gamble for an hour, I was transfixed by the world of online gambling, it sucked me in and slowly sucked the life out of me. I would sit until the wee hours of the morning with no idea what was going on around me. I’d barely eat when gambling, I didn’t need to, there was no feeling of hunger. The longer I gambled the more numb I became to my emotions until the point I literally could feel emotion. I didn’t get angry or sad or happy, I was just meh. I went to my Granda’s funeral in January 2019 and couldn’t understand why people were upset. I felt nothing. Gambling had turned me into a zombie. Recovery is the process of de-zombification.
“At your very core, you are energy.
Stop killing it by killing yourself.
By slowly poisoning yourself.
By destroying your mind.
By chasing negativity.
Nurture your energy.
Let it grow & thrive.”
That was a long one but well worth the effort. I hope there’s something relatable there for anyone who reads it. I got a lot out of hitting on different topics in a shorter form and some stuff may not have made it into a “regular” blog.
Mark

[Guide] Early to MidGame Player Guide V.5

The New to Mid Game Player Guide

Originally i posted this for a friend. As he asked questions, i added to it. As guild members asked questions, i added to it. Now its full of info. This is all the info i have figured out about the game to date. Yes its long, and no, its not perfect. There are several ways to play this game. Though maybe not the most fun way to play at ALL times, I believe that most of what I share in this will save time and resources getting you into the later parts of the game much faster. In the end tho, i want you to take this info and make your own decisions.
Tracked some stuff here. Alot are out of date, and i will probably update it some and remove outdated info. Link Here

Account Progression

I'm going to be breaking some of my advice up into progression points. At certain points in the game, the optimal action is not the same as another point. Here is how i define them.
- Early Game: You either have a team of 5★s, or a mix of 5★ and 6★s. Its hard to make a plan for heroes at this point in the game, and your resources are very limited.
- Mid Game: You have an E5 and working towards more, maybe a 10★ support healer or Heartwatcher. You should have a decent grasp on the game, and a plan on heroes you want to level and how.
- End Game: A team composed entirely of E3-5. Your PvP and PvE teams aren't the same. You are crushing it.

General Info

Daily Quest Skipping:
- There was an old strategy where you only complete the daily quests when you had the free Heroic Summon. When this wasn't up, you completed all but Heroic Summon and 2x Casino spins.
- After a little debating, discussing, and mathing with msmith78037 i re-evaluated my stance on this. If you look at the Google Sheet i linked above, on the tab for Daily Quests, it shows that the difference between the 2 is pretty small. And if the advantage goes anywhere, its probably on the side of completing every day. So for now on, i will be completing it. For sure EVERYONE should complete it during a HS Event.

Gem Spending Priority and Gem Hoarding Strategy:
- Gem Events:
  - Gem Boxes (~10k)
  - Grey Dwarf (up to 8k)
  - Holiday Events (Easter, CNY, Anniversary, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years)
- Gem Spending Priority(outside of card users)
  - Early Game: Spend gems on Event Raid Hero Challenge and the Tavern. Save the rest for events, specifically the Gem Box Event. You probably want a minimum of 10k. At some point you should also pick up a class set for your first E3 or E5 from the blacksmith event. When the months start getting close to a Holiday, save for those as well. Good chance for special Holiday event to require gems.
  - Mid Game: You income will be higher than before. Still make sure you have enough for any Gem Box event, and save for the Holiday events. At this point if you have spare gems i recommend buying the 5x POs for 2250 Gems.
  - Late Game: You be cranking out gems pretty decently between everything. Still save for all events like you did in the Early game, but any excess pick up the Daily 8x HSs for 1k Gems from the Marketplace. We are trying to get 2k before Xmas and Chinese New YeaAnniversary. The benefits of obtaining the new hotness are worth it. Also these are the only events that will ever give F2P players the chance at P2W artifacts, and will likely require 2k+ HSs.
- Gem Hording
  - I tend to horde gems up to 20k and try not to dip below unless i'm dropping gems on an event like Gem boxes. Anything over that amount i spend. This way you will never get taken unawares by the devious Devs that drop random events on us at the worst times. 20k is purely arbitrary and you can decide on your own value if you want. The idea behind mine is to have enough for Gem Boxes plus like 5-8k in reserve.

Game Advice:
- There are so many people with so many different ideas on how to play. Some people know their stuff, others don't. Some people are nice and trying to help but have no clue how the game actually works. Some people make opinions sound like facts. I find myself doing the last alot. Some people even do some crazy math on things that help all of us out, but not everything can always be mathed out and quantified. Because a large portion of this game is basically gambling (RNG), there are too many hypothetical scenarios and results that could play out. I play and advise a certain way, and some disagree. Really it breaks down into 2 main ideas. Spending for "efficiency" and progress, or saving for big event gains and possible higher rate of progress. Is either wrong? Nah. What i'm saying is be careful who you listen to and play like u want.
- The game CHANGES. From start to now, this game has changed alot. Events, player growth rates, heroes, PvE Meta, PvP Meta, it all changes. If you don't adapt, you will lose. Valk is a stellar example of this. She changed the PvP meta hardcore. It was a great change from speed CC rules all. Yet people rant about her constantly. She is very powerful (a touch too much), but she has to be for 1 unit to change a meta. So build her, build her counters, or lose and complain. Adapt or die. I'm pointing this out because there are quite a few that haven't adapted well that still give advice, so keep this in mind.
- In conclusion, be skeptical, do your own research before buying in fully to any idea, and then use your brain to decide. In the end, you are in charge of you. There are quite a few times a little self research or even just THOUGHT about a topic could resolve peoples problems and more places a little patience would have helped. Use your brain if you want to do well, its all on you.

Early Game
- I see questions in the line-up thread all the time. Am i doing it right? Who should i focus on? With a full team of 5★s, this is not a question that is needed. At 5★, all your heroes are poop. Should you replace poop in your line-up for slightly better poop? Sure, but its still poop. At this point in the game, the gear, artifact, and Treasure gem is more important than your hero. Of the heroes you have currently, you have no way of knowing which ones you will obtain more copies of. So here is the blanket advice.
  - Build every hero to 6★ you can. It doesn't matter. If you have 2 copies of it, build it. Put it on your team. 2 Faceless, is she good? Nope, build her anyways. This will not hurt you in the least. What you are building is fodder. Fodder is needed in the THOUSANDS (NOT exaggerating anymore) in this game. So build without worry. If you find a top tier hero and have 2 copies, then its time to focus in and see if you can make things happen. DO NOT LEVEL PAST 6 WITHOUT PLANNING TO TAKE IT TO 9.
  - The only thing (hero wise) you can do wrong is sacrifice a top tier hero to ★ up another one. How do you avoid this? WELL, i'm glad you asked. You jump to the top of the screen, type in "Tier List" and read. I personally like MKxJump's list. You can also check out my other Guide Here Check the top.
- I'm not saying to never post in the Line-up thread with questions either. Just that posting with a team of 5★s is a waste of time. Most people don't know how to respond so they don't. Most of the time i tell them "You have these 3 good heroes, rest are fodder, don't sacrifice the good ones, build 6 stars, cheers." All of which with a little research they could probably have figured out. If you have a varied line-up of 6★-10★ heroes and you want to know treasure stone builds, artifacts, if its worth proceeding with a hero in your comp, if you should sacrifice a mid-tier hero for a top tier, those are good questions. Keep in mind that just because they answered you doesn't always mean they are right either Haha.

## Importance of Gold:

-	Guild Tech	Pets	Treasure Stone	Heroes	Grey Dwarf
Gold	75m Per Tree	800m Per Pet	170m Per Stone	270m Per Hero	200m Per Event

Can't stress this enough. DO NOT waste your gold. You will need it. Gold is used in high quantity for all of the above. In massive numbers. A full team of E5, Max Tech, Celestial Stones, and Pet are easily in the BILLIONS of Gold. Best to start saving now. That blacksmith event is killer early on, but still worth... sometime for only partial completes.
So be careful spending gold on:
- Blacksmith Upgrades
- Leveling heroes (YOU DON'T NEED TO LEVEL THEM ALL and fodder heroes only to 100)
- Treasure stones for non-Tier 1 heroes.
There are thankfully alot of places to earn gold as well.
- The Guild mill is a great early place
- Celestial Island is another good place. Clearing Gold mines and the Islands can net like 6m a day.
- Making sure to stay on top of the Campaign 10 hour timer
- Broken Spaces monthly event
- Aspen Smashes
- Fusion Event

Account Progression

Account progression is impacted by 2 main things, fodder, and Hero Copies.
- Neither is more or less important than the other. Without Good hero copies, all the fodder in the world won't help you. If you have the hero copies and no fodder, same. You need both. As i see it Events are mostly important for Hero Copies, and 4★ Shards will be your solution to fodder issues.
- I have a guide on the best way i have found to progress. Its to focus 1 Great hero, and ignore all else. The guide is Here. I recommend reading that thread more than this one. While this is still useful, it just doesn't have an big an impact as the one i linked.

Importance of 4★ Heroes:

4★ Heroes shards will make up a large portion of your consistent acnt growth. You build their numbers daily, in small amounts. By the end of the month, they add up. On top of that, with the monthly Fusion quest, the first 20 5★ you make reward you gold, which you will need. They should be picked up at every chance.
- Marketplace: 30x Shard for 1.5m Gold
- Seal Land: Smash daily for the most you can.
- Event Raid Hero Challenge: Spend gems for extra completes here. All that you can EVERYDAY.
- Tavern Quests
- Aspen Dungeon: The Lady Dude sells 30x for 1.5m
Done right, you should be able to pick up 3000-10000 Shards a month depending on your status.

Events:

Obtaining hero copies in this game is all about events. Generally, there are 2-3 events each week starting on Thurs. The events themselves reward a player for doing what they were already going to be doing, just saved up and done all at once. The best way to get hero copies is to save for Events. The best way to do events is to properly prepare and pool resources ahead of time. Scrambling and using random resources is bad. You also shouldn't be using any resources outside its associated event to maximize your results with no extra effort beyond BEING PATIENT. I have put little notes in each section on how i feel this is best accomplished. The following are things i see people doing WRONG:

Spend Heroic Scrolls, Prophet Orbs, Casino Coins, 4★ or 5★ Hero Tokens at any point outside their specific events.
Use resources on odd events to accomplish them at a crazy cost (using 20 Prophet Orbs for Miracle).
Use hard earned resources on an event that does not give them anything they need. (Example: 80 POs for King Barton Reward)

Opportunity Costs

A big argument with saving for events is this "Opportunity Cost" of not spending your resources. What they mean is that for not spending your resources, you obtain less fodder to ★ up your heroes, for a time. Without leveling your heroes, you accomplish less than someone who does. Alot of the debate is wrapped up in this hypothetical... for both sides. So if you hold your 80 POs and don't spend them for 2 months because you didn't find the rewards useful, and another person spends 80 each month. By the end of the 3rd month, you will have 240 orbs to spend on an event that can provide more useful hero copies (hopefully), whereas the other person that spent 80 each month earn progression TIME with stronger heroes that you won't have till the end of the 3rd month. So all things being equal (which they aren't, which is why its super hypothetical) the idea is to weight the advantage of that 3 months of slightly stronger heroes vs the cost of saving the POs and getting useful heroes. There are probably times both are useful.
- Early Game: Yes spend 80 Orbs each time you have them. Don't worry as much about the reward Heroes. You are just focusing on getting copies from the orbs and your branches. Plus you need all the fodder at this point. You don't have massive 4★ Farm going yet.
- Mid Game: I think its worth waiting for a hero you might need. Don't hold your breath for any Top Tier Light/Dark to be the PO reward, but there are still good ones offered. Horus, Valk, Oberon, Cthuga have all been up there. A few times for Special events they throw up a Light/Dark. Don't hold back if you already have 320+ Orbs.
  - For the best heroes in the game, you are gated by hero copies. DH helped us a ton with the Feather Shop. Make sure you focus obtaining feathers as much as you can. They are so valuable for so many things.
  - One of the things that is rarely mentioned in talks about opportunity costs is the special events. Anniversary, Thanksgiving, CNY, and X-mas (sometimes others like Easter or Halloween) will have special events. Its always random, but usually pretty good. Generally its these events that the P2W artifacts are available without money, and no other time. The catch is they require a decent surplus of Resources. Thanksgiving event is a great example. 240 POs and 60 SCC, and you got Xia, Amvour +Skin, Runes Power, and Kiss of Ghost. Is it worth delaying your progression to obtain such things? Hell yes. Without a doubt. <-- My Opinion. How much are the P2W Artifacts worth? Most take $200-$300 to obtain. What is it worth to you to have a chance to obtain them without money. That is my answer to opportunity costs. The downside is the randomness, unpredictability, and inconsistency of the events. The upside is obviously having a chance at obtaining an item that at the higher ends of the game is a difference maker between you and the next person.

Monthly Events:

With the release of monthly events a few things have changed... for the better. We have more time to complete events, AND they released the feather Shop.
- Golden Feather shop: This shop is so amazing for progression. If you focus most of your effort into obtaining feathers over all else, you can get any hero you want. Heroes unobtainable by normal players like the new Light/Dark hotness can actually be built. I recently saved up and used 560 Feathers to get all the rest of the copies i needed of Aida to E5 her. Game changer here if used properly. ***

Fusion Event: (Monthly Event)

A large portion of your account growth will come from this event. Each day you will do each of the things that provides 4★ shards. We will use those to make our 5★s as discussed above. The gold and pet materials provided by this should not be miss, as well as the feathers.
Because this is now a monthly event, you can now double dip with Heroic Miracle if you wish. I do it, but some don't like to wait. Just make sure you do have enough for the Heroic Miracle event. You never want to miss out on it because you fused all you had right before it drops.

Militant: (Monthly Event)

You just have to fight a lot. Keep in mind you get less points for losses, SO DON'T LOSE. Some of the event is based in the crystal crown league, and the other will be in the Trial of the Champion. Both require 150 points, and reward Golden Feathers for a full completion.

Crystal Crown	150 Points	1 Ticket Entry	2 Points for Win	90 Free Entries	0 Tickets to Complete
Trial of the Champion	150 Points	3 Ticket Entry	2 Points for Win	0 Free Entries	225 Tickets to Complete

Buy the Marketplace 5x Tickets for 300k every day. That is 150 Tickets a Month. Rest you will have to get from Aspen, or buy with gems from Aspen. Technically you get 5000 Gems from Trial as reward. Its obviously best if you don't have to reinvest those to complete it, but it can be done EVERY month, and SHOULD be.

Tavern Event: (Monthly event)

This is the EASIEST event besides Heroic Miracle. I use my Tavern Re-roll strat, and its a non-issue to complete this. For being so easy, it has some killer rewards. 25 Prophet Orbs! While re-rolling tavern quests, save two 7★ quests, and five 6★ quests. Saving the quests means you put heroes in them to complete them. Let the timer run, but instead of clicking the "Complete" button, you just leave them floating.

Broken Spaces: (Monthly event)

This event has a set of bosses to kill for rewards. Pretty basic. The first tier is pretty doable by almost anyone. The 2nd and 3rd take a bit more. Beyond that starts to take a specific PvE setup team, or hundreds of tokens.
Good PvE teams generally consist of Pheonix Pet, Sigmund, and Heart Watcher. Then the last 4 spots filled with either 4 Damage dealer heroes, or 3 damage dealers and a healer. Just depends on if your heroes are dying or not.

Heroic Summon Event:

500 HS are needed to complete the event. Can be completed 4 times. The summon event is THE hardest event to complete.

500 HS Completion	16x 5★s	100x 4★s	~28x fodder	God Tier Reward	15 Feathers
100 HS x5	16x 5★s	100x 4★s	~28x fodder	None	30 POs & 100 HS

Due to the restructuring of the 3 big events and the ability to repeat 4 times, i have changed my approach to this event.
- Early Game: Spend 100 or 500 as you can. I prefer the 500, as i focus on the Feathers all i can. If you can't wait for 500, then do the 100 summon. The 100 summons is near to being the most efficient event per rewards the game has. Missing those 15 feathers is not a good idea IMO. Soul stones should also probably be picked up at least once, so you have them if you ever need them to regress or soulswap bad heroes.
- Mid Game: Complete the 500 summon for a top tier Hero and Feathers or start saving 2k for a Holiday event. Mid game is long, so it kinda depends where you are, and how much patience you have. Saving 2k is not for everyone i'm told. The earlier you start, the more likely you will be to have top tier heroes and artifacts for your End Game team.
- End Game: Save 2k. The. New. Hotness.
Reasons for 2k saving:
- Most special events seem to be taking into acnt that it is possible to complete 4 times, thus to obtain some of the best rewards you will NEED to complete it 4 times.
- The release of a new OP hero. Most new heroes are OP with the ever scaling hero powers. 2000 scrolls gives 4 copies (almost 5 with feathers) of that hero and a good likelihood of 3-5 more, thus handing you a new OP E3-E5.
- Chance at P2W artifacts. So far, they are still behind a $100 paywall for the last few events even with 2000 HS used. If P2W artifacts are going to be had, this is how it will probably happen though. A few have been obtainable tho. Antlers Cane for Xmas, Kiss of Ghost for Thanksgiving, and a few like Augustus Ball prior to the event changes.
The odds are 1.58% to summon a 5★ normally. 3.16% in a summoning event. Never summon outside the event except for daily quest.
This event is very hard on Hero room. Be careful what you are sacrificing on the Altar, and remember that keeping as many heroes in token form as you can helps a lot.

Prophet Orb Event:

80 orbs are needed to complete this event. It can be completed 4 times. All rewards from the Prophet Orbs are awarded in Token form.
Keeping rewards in Token form helps:
- Hero space, its fairly limited. Token space is limitless.
- With how random Shelter events are, keep even 4★ heroes (x120)
Ways to obtain Prophet Orbs:
- Completing Events (25 from Monthly)
- Aspen Old Dude 5x POs for 2250 gems
- Super Casino
- PvP Vendor
Early Game: Save up 80 Orbs and spend on the next event. Don't worry about event skipping because of the hero reward at this point.
Mid Game: If the Hero reward is not one you plan to build, skipping is a good idea. Because it can be completed up to 4 times, each time you skip adds one potential hero copy of the same hero. Going very far over 240 should be pretty rare though. I also buy the 5x POs from Aspen, eventually stopping once i start to focus on HSs.
Saving opens up your options and affords the power of choice. There are "opportunity costs" associated with this choice as well. You have to weigh the delay of progress against good hero copies and special events.

Heroic Miracle:

For this event you need to summon or craft 5★s, 2 each of Light and Dark, and 3 each of Abyss, Shadow, Forest, and Fortress. This rewards a good 5★ hero, some nice HS or POs, and some nice orange gear.
- With the Release of the Monthly Events, you can save all Creation Circle 5★ fuses for this event. For those early on in progression, its something you should probably take advantage of.

Heart Summons to supplement	Creation Circle Crafts Then	Specific Hero Tokens

Shelter Event:

Shelter Events are a set of trades that can be done for a reward. Its had some varied 4★ requirements, and a 5★. Since it is random, be careful how you scramble to obtain the heroes.
Stash:
- 120x 4★ of each Heroes Token
- 5★ Fodders of each faction (2x L/D)
My last advice is to think twice before getting any Light/Darks from this event. Trading 2 L/D fodder in for 1 hero is costly. With the other factions, wouldn't be AS big a deal. Since its rarely a top tier light/dark, its usually not worth it.

Grey Dwarf Event:

Gear	Gold	Gems
4★ 5★	40m	1500
5★ 6★	60m	2500
6★ Class Set	100m	4000
Total	200m	8000

All of these upgrades are worth it, but this event is very expensive to continually complete. Armor is more important that most realize especially early game. Save BEFORE it arrives.

Casino Event:

Casino event, to me, my least valued event as i feel the fodder rate is low. At the same time, is has the highest comparative value on my spreadsheet. You can pick up many Casino Chips from:
- Marketplace 8x Chips for 240 Gems
- Aspen Deals for Gold and Gems. (Buy all Casino Coins for gold AND the 20x for 500 Gems)
- Tavern
I don't like spending gems on Casino Coins because i can get so many for gold from Aspen, BUT for new players this is a pretty damn good event, and even for older players, those POs it rewards for the low cost are a pretty good deal.
- Early Game: While i value it the lowest, the event has definite value especially in the early game. It has some pretty good benefits for low level players. Namely Gold, 4★ Shards, and Sacrificial Artifacts. Because it does have a decent use early on, i will leave it up to you if u want to spend gems on this.
- Mid Game: Buy your Aspen deals for Gold, and complete when you can. The POs for completing the event are nice and generally so is the gold, but its not worth our gems at this point except the 20 for 500 Aspen deal.
Most of the value here comes from the 4★ shards. Refresh for Light/Darks all you can each day. If you don't get them, roll until you get whatever shards are on the wheel and stop for the day. This way you can focus on 4★ shards while still doing the daily quest 2 spins for free.

Treasure Chest:

This event is sometimes really AWESUM and other times....bleh. This event is a big sale of Boxes for Gems. This formula seems to be changing from week to week, and so the gem prices on the boxes are varied. 4k hero boxes, 6k Guild Coin boxes. The box that makes or breaks this event is the box with the guild coins. This is a huge boost to guild coins, but the randomness of the box can really boost or diminish its value. You will have to personally weigh it each time.

Gems	Rewards	Rewards	Rewards
500	5x HS	-	-
1200	5x Super Chips	2x 3★ Orange Armor Pieces	-
2400	8x POs	2x 3★ Orange Armor Pieces	-
4000	Decent Hero	20k Dust	-
8000	Good Hero	25k Guild Coins	Skins
Only 3	Artifact or Shards	Event Currency	Feathers

You want to have at least 12k gems saved up each time for this event. The 1st, and 3rd boxes are usually must buys. The 2nd box is a crap value. The 4th box with random shards and dust is pretty bad deal as well. The 5th i would generally say to get if u can afford it just for the Guild coins, but if you are tight on gems its fine to leave it if Guild Coins is really all thats good in it.

Heroes:

If you go into the "Hero" menu, and click the gallery on the right side, you can see all heroes available. You can read hero abilities and more importantly you can see the 10★ versions of heroes. The 10★ heroes change a little from their former versions. This also lets you see which heroes CAN be 10★s, as not all heroes can. Read up and decide for yourself who you want. That's part of the fun right? Check my other guide if you would like to know who to keep or not Here.

Hero Class: There are 3 Classes of heroes the way i break it down
- The Class 1 - 10+★ heroes (5 star base)
- The class 2 - 9★ heroes (4★ base, can be found in 5★ though)
- The class 3 - 5★ heroes (4★ base)
Why are those categories important?
- The Class 1 heroes are 5★ only heroes, meaning they are harder to get. You should be picking your end game team from these heroes. Everything else is fodder. Just because it is a class one hero does not mean its a strong hero. Focus on hero skills and read carefully. When sacrificing heroes try NOT to use this class of hero if you aren't sure how good it is. Check the top of this thread if you want to know what is safe to sacrifice...Here
- The Class 2 heroes are useful, especially early on. They all have 4★ versions that can be obtained very easily and can thus be changed into a 6★ hero much faster. This is also useful to puzzle out because they max out at 9★. That means they are the best choice for a 9★ sacrifice. Class 2 minions make the 9★ sacrifice much easier than than using a harder to obtain Class 1 hero that might make a better 10★ sacrifice. Norma for early progression is the only worthwhile hero in this grouping. And Sierra cause dem tiddies level up with her.
- The class 3 heroes, while being absolute garbage, are very useful as 5★ sacrifices. That's it though. They are my main source of fodder through 4★ fusions.
Had a decent amount of questions concerning ★s. So here is the level up rundown. 6★ by combining 5★s at the creation circle. Once at 6★, click on the hero you want to upgrade and go to the upgrade tab.

7★	4x 5★ Same Faction	-	-
8★	3x 5★ Same Faction	6★ Same Faction	-
9★	2x 5★ Same Faction	6★ Same Faction	1x Copy of Hero
10★	9★ Any Faction	6★ Same Faction	2x Copy of Hero
E1	9★ Any Faction	-	1x Copy of Hero
E2	9★ Any Faction	-	1x Copy of Hero
E3	10★ Any Faction	-	-
E4	10★ Any Faction	-	1x Copy of Hero
E5	10★ Any Faction	-	1x Copy of Hero

Best Heroes:
- There are a limited number of places to obtain the best heroes in this game, most with a TINY chance.
  - Event Completion Rewards
  - Heroic Scrolls
  - Prophet Orbs
  - Prophet Branches
  - Super "Wishing well"
  - Elite Shards
  - Feather Shop
- The 5★ Hero shards cannot give any top tier heroes. Prioritizing Prophet Orbs, Heroic scrolls, and events will progress your hero copies more than anything else. Knowing this helps you understand where to spend resources, and what to prioritize if you have many options.
Light and Dark heroes are harder to get and level. Taking multiple L/D units past 7★ is really hard. For this reason, don't level any L/D until you have enough copies of the hero to at least 10★+ the hero.
Treasure gems: They are the item on the lower left of the hero. Any hero you don't plan to take to 10★, don't take past a Green stone. Never lock in the stats.

Tavern:

You have the ability to reset your tavern quests that are available for 10 gems per quest re-rolled. Maybe this doesn't seem like a good idea, but in general it is. My formula is this:
- Do any quest with more than 25 gems (40+ gems)
- Do any quest that gives heroic summon scrolls
- Do any 5★ quest that gives 4★ token pieces (None)
- Do any and all 6 and 7★s except Green/Red Artifact pieces
- Re-roll the rest and repeat
  - Caveat: This has worked for me at Vip3 and higher. Vip0 i have been told is risky for 7★ Quests.
The idea is this. The only items i really care about are the HS, and the gems (and a little for 4★ Shards). Because gems are so useful, i focus on gaining them over pretty much everything. Anything that can be bought with gold, has less value here.
So i have gone nearly 2 years with this strat, but the last 6 months has been very rough for one of my acnts. The other 2 are sitting at like 10x 7★ Quests. One of my acnts though is getting royally screwed with RnG. Because getting 2x 7★ Quests a month is so profitable, it needs to be done. So for like 3 months i altered my plan. I used the Parenthsis values instead. So from now on, i will those rules if i don't have 2x 7★ Quests. RnG is RnG, and sometimes it's bad, even for long periods. Eventually tho, you will get back to normal, or even have your situation flipped.

Marketplace:

Buy every day:
- 5x Arena Ticket for 300k Gold
- 3★ Fodders for Gold
- 4★ Fodder for Gold
If you are over 20k Gems, and preparing for the 2000 HS events
- 8x Heroic Scrolls for 1000 Gems
If you find you are no longer have such a huge need of gold:
- Buy 5x Basic Scrolls for 500k Gold
  - Helps supplement 3 and 4 star numbers

Campaign:

Every 10 hours, the loot and exp max out. Open the campaign screen to resume the gain.
End on farming levels divisible by 5. You can obtain shards this way. Don't stop on other levels.
At acnt level 175 Orange Artifact shards start dropping, or acnt 177 for Artifacts and 5★ shards.

Blacksmith:

Do not upgrade any armor under Orange 1★.
For the daily quest, make the 3 cheapest armors. Never sell low tier armors, just keep using them for the Daily.
This is a place that you can waste gold if u aren't careful. Be smart.

Celestial Island

This place is pretty amazing if you stay on top of it and don't mess up. There IMO are alot of place you CAN mess up.
- First, get the island going as early as possible. Make the first 2 mines you build Gold mines. "WHAT DID HE JUST SAY??!?!" Yes, gold. I did gems for my first 2 with 1 acnt, and gold on my other. The gold came in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more useful than the gems did at that point. By the time the Gem mines will produce relevant amounts, you will have 4 mines. Have 2 Gold Mines and 2 Gem Mines.
- Don't build Dust Mines until last.
- Don't level your main building too far ahead of what you can handle. You can easily screw yourself by leveling it past your ability to clear it, especially early on. The method i developed was to progress it once i maxed out all the buildings i was building AND was able to kill the boss island in 1 attempts.
- The first building you make is Vitality. Follow that with Harvest. Then follow those with Tyrants. Don't even bother with the rest. They are a huge waste of gold, and as you should know, ain't nobody got gold to waste early on.
- There are also special fights available randomly for a skin shard. Make sure you can kill this. At any point you run into it and can't beat it, don't progress your main building any further. I did this, and i think i missed out on a good 15+ Skin shards. Foolish is a beast.
- You will notice as you progress along that there are alot of empty buildings because i told you to only build certain ones. That is good. If you filled them all up, you did it wrong, and wasted alot of resources while doing it. You have been warned.

Pets (Monster):

Your pet can make or break you. Besides getting actual good heroes, this is the most important thing you can do. Even more important early on... InfoGraphic by Ibex_sm does better than my old chart.
Imo Pheonix is the best starting pet. The amount of heroes with fire dots is large (including one of the most necessary heroes Sigmund), the heal is clutch, the DoT is decent, and the damage boost is great. Works really well for both PvE and early PvP.
After Leveling your first pet to max, save you mats. A new monster will be total crap until it is able to be maxed out or close to maxed out. The boost from a maxed pet is just too big so your first maxed pet will be better at everything until your new pet is as well. Because of that, save ~600k Monster Souls, and ~100k Chaos Stones before even thinking about leveling another pet. If they release a new OP pet, or more pet levels, you are prepared.
A great 2nd pet is Deer.

Aspen Dungeon

After the Buff to pets, Aspen is a little more useful than before. Its still not gonna get you 400 Casino coins a month. The pet supplies aren't all that easy to get though, and this is a great place for them. Pets are HUGE, so this place is now fairly important again.
Aspen Dungeon has several difficulties. Easy, Normal, Difficult, Nightmare, Hell and Death. Each time you fight, its 1 of your Heroes, vs 1-4 other heroes. Because of this, certain self healing heroes are really good for this:
- Vesa (early)
- Aida
- Penny
- Valk
- Horus
Guild Tech, great armor, optimal Treasure stones, and a great Artifact play pretty huge rolls here.
- Keep in mind, those are not always the same as their PvP or PvE optimal setups either.
The goal here is to clear 100 levels for each difficulty. For each 50 you clear, you can do a smash the next time you come and auto-loot a bunch of prizes. In the Merchant Deals area you can check out all the deals from the smash, and buy accordingly.
- Young Dude
  - Any Casino Coins for Gold
  - Arena Tickets for Gold
- Lady Dude
  - Any Casino coins for Gold
  - Arena Tickets for Gold
  - 4★ Hero Shards for Gold
- Old Hooded Dude
  - 5 Prophet Orbs for 2250
  - Any Casino coins for Gold or Gems
  - Never buy 5★ Hero for 3k Gems

Guilds

Guilds have their own currency, Guild coins. These can be used in one of 2 places. The shop or the Tech Building.
- The shop should not really be used. The tech is just that useful.
- The Tech Building is where ALL of the coins SHOULD be going. Guild Tech raises the stats for ALL heroes you own of that type. These bonuses are in effect everywhere. Marauders, PvP, Aspen Dungeon, and so on. That compounds with high level characters higher stats.
  - Most of the choices for Tech is decided by your team comp and its not exactly easy to max out. Your choices are pretty important. Generally speaking Hp and Damage are good nodes to max for all classes, as well as speed. So if you can't decide, max HP and Damage early nodes while you think.
  - Skipping less useful nodes like dodge and precision with the standard 10 points is a decent idea to get to the good stuff.
  - If you mess up (or change your team focus), you CAN reset your talent points. The first time is free, after that you gotta pay some gems, so don't mess up. Click the green circling arrows in the upper left.
Earning Coins
- The coins can be earning by clicking the Guild clipboard looking button. It gives you 50 coins.
- The Mill is a great way to earn them.
- Guild Bosses reward around 10k for the top place. It goes down from there. Good source of coins for PvE focused players. You can only kill a boss once.
- Guild Wars award coins based on guild placement. Must have at least 10 teams.
IF you leave a guild and join another, your tech level goes with you, but only once you rejoin a guild. While you are guild-less, you are without tech.

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Update 201 Changelog

This is what they want in this game(insanity)

TRANSPORTATION

INTERIORS

ECONOMY

SEASONS

MINI GAMES and other Microcosm

GAMBLING/SPECUTLATION/INVESTMENTS/BETTING

ROMANCE/RELATIONSHIPS

Lat-est S-ex Tum-blr Nw_

Some Simple tips for CD devs to make CP2077 feel more alive in upcoming DLCs (Please read)

My (23M) cousin is dating a (52F) woman and I'm positive she’s not good for him but don’t know what to do...

My [29M] close friendship with a coworker [25F] has fallen apart due to work rumours. [Long post]

A-Z of My Story So Far

[Guide] Early to MidGame Player Guide V.5

The New to Mid Game Player Guide

Account Progression

General Info

Account Progression

Importance of 4★ Heroes:

Events:

Opportunity Costs

Monthly Events:

Fusion Event: (Monthly Event)

Militant: (Monthly Event)

Tavern Event: (Monthly event)

Broken Spaces: (Monthly event)

Heroic Summon Event:

Prophet Orb Event:

Heroic Miracle:

Shelter Event:

Grey Dwarf Event:

Casino Event:

Treasure Chest:

Heroes:

Tavern:

Marketplace:

Campaign:

Blacksmith:

Celestial Island

Pets (Monster):

Aspen Dungeon

Guilds

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